Give her an inch, she'll take a .... few more 💁🏻♀️
Give her an inch, she'll take a .... few more 💁🏻♀️
2023-06-05 21:49:35 +0000 UTC View Post
xxbearhugs posts
She's not going to tell you when she wants you but she might..
She's not going to tell you when she wants you but she might give you some clues 😇
2023-06-05 21:37:34 +0000 UTC View PostLet's get naked and lay in bed all day 🥰
Let's get naked and lay in bed all day 🥰
2023-06-03 19:51:08 +0000 UTC View PostMy birthday is June 10th and if you get me anything from my ..
My birthday is June 10th and if you get me anything from my wish list you'll make me happier than a girly getting whip cream shot all over her! 🎂 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/T47KHLEBG2IV?ref_=wl_share
2023-06-01 20:15:11 +0000 UTC View Post
What should I do to celebrate for my birthday?
What should I do to celebrate for my birthday?
2023-05-30 22:45:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Something sitting in my drafts...
Something sitting in my drafts...
2023-05-26 20:39:09 +0000 UTC View Post
UPDATE: Oh my goodness. Last week was a very challenging wee..
UPDATE: Oh my goodness. Last week was a very challenging week for me as my right ear started to act up. 😭 I think I mentioned it to you all but a little over a week ago I noticed that my right ear started to have trouble popping as well. It wasn't nearly as bad as my left ear though so I tried to not focus on it. At my ENT appointment as expected my left ear failed the pressure test but the right ear failed the test as well. My doctor told me that it's very rare for someone to have this problem to the degree at which I've had it. He said that he sees people daily who have this test and it's only about once every siix months to a y ear that someone comes in with it as bad as me. So I decided to schedule the first surgery procedure. In addition to that I also made an appointment with another doctor at the House for a second opinion as well as another appointment with another doctor in San Diego for a consultation in regards to the balloon dilation procedure. It was a very defeating week. I had just spent the last 11 we eks dealing with all of these issues with no relief or cure in sight and then my right ear having difficulties. I felt like giving up. Fortunately my Chiari Malformation has been manageable the past 2 we eks. Although the most recent round of ste roid medication didn't help my ear it did seem to help my headaches as my doctor said it would. Not having daily headaches these past couple of weeks has certainly been a relief. But I've still dealt with occasional dizziness related to the issues with my ears. I would say that last week was probably my most difficult and defeating week of all of the weeks over the last almost twe lve we eks. With no relief and no cure I was beginning to think that this may actually last forever. Once it gets to be past thr ee mon ths from everything I've read there really isn't much that can be done and many people will live like this for mo nths and even y ears. I watched so many stories of people who lived this way for fi ve to te n y ears and I just felt so completely discouraged. Well... a couple of days ago I was driving high in a mountain and the pressure got as bad as it had been over the past thr ee mo nths. I had to stop driving and took my nasal spray and my Afrin spray and I also did some lymphatic drainage massaging and pressed on some pressure points. I also tried to yawn and open and close my jaw several times. I still wasn't able to pop my ear and as I started to drive again the pressure felt like it was increasing more and more and more. I was very worried about my ear rup turing and then suddenly I heard a noise. It sounded and felt like something was draining. I was able to hear slightly better but my hearing was still muffled and it felt like there was still water/liquid in my ear. I kept trying to pop my ear without luck so I decided to keep moving my jaw trying to stretch the muscles of my Eustachian tube. Then about ten minutes later I heard another sound of fluid draining and pressure relief and my hearing was much better. I tried to not get too excited as I wasn't sure it was fully fixed. But after nearly tw elve we eks of being unable to pop my left ear, waking up with a completely pressured ear every single morning, and not being able to equalize the pressure in my left ear, I suddenly was able to pop my ear again!!! Over the past couple of days I've continued to pop them over and over as instructed to get them back to normal and so I am happy to say that my left ear is finally working again!! The annoying thing is that now my right ear won't pop! However because there isn't fluid stuck in that ear it's not anywhere near as bad as it was for my left ear over the past thr ee mo nths. I believe what happened is after I healed from getting sick fluid got stuck in the Eustachian tube. It was unable to drain and that's why I felt the sensation of having water in my ear. My doctor said that when fluid gets stuck in the tube it creates an imbalance of pressure and the inability to regulate pressure within the middle ear. So after trying nasal steroid and sprays, a few rounds of heavy steroid medications, excessive exercise, and pretty much everything that was recommended to me and more, I finally have relief! As I mentioned my right ear is now not able to pop but I really am not too concerned since it seems to be able to equalize the pressure on it's own. So I'm extremely happy and blessed about this but also had a new unexpected health concern appear and am really hoping it will be okay. It's just so frustrating that it seems to be one thing after the next over the past 3 mo nths. Now that my ear is better I was planning to go to the neurologist for my Chiari Malformation but I think I will be waiting because now my doctor wants to refer me to another specialist for the situation that just arose. Ugh I just want to go back to my normal life of being healthy and well! Next month is my Birthday month and I wish for good health and to go back to my normal daily life without medical scares/problems. The past thr ee mo nths have been extremely challenging and I've spent so, so much money having multiple doctors appointments each week, all sorts of tests, MRIs, etc and I really just wanted to celebrate my ear being better and feeling much better! So I am disappointed that I have yet another scare and now need to be referred to a specialist to make sure this situation is okay. So yeah I'm obviously very happy and excited about my ear. I'm extremely grateful that it healed on it's own just before hitting we ek tw elve. But I'm also so incredibly annoyed that I now have to be referred to a specialist for something else! Hopefully June (my birthday month) will symbolize turning a new leaf and celebrating good health. This is certainly the first time in my life I've dealt with ongoing medical stuff like this and I'm really, really hoping that I'm at the end of the it and can just celebrate being healthy and well. Now that my left ear is finally better I am going to do my best to get back to work and life as I certainly feel much, much better. Here's to hoping that the new thing that came up will turn out to be nothing more than a little scare so that I can celebrate being done with an incredibly terrible th ree mo nths!
2023-05-24 20:10:56 +0000 UTC View PostWhich angle would you want to watch me getting it from?
Which angle would you want to watch me getting it from?
2023-05-17 19:15:09 +0000 UTC View Post
Dance party in the bedroom 💃🏻🐛
Dance party in the bedroom 💃🏻🐛
2023-05-02 04:09:11 +0000 UTC View PostI'm ready for you to have your way with me
I'm ready for you to have your way with me
2023-05-01 18:33:31 +0000 UTC View Post
Pasties are cute but they always make them way too big for m..
Pasties are cute but they always make them way too big for my nipples
2023-05-01 18:27:44 +0000 UTC View Post
How come in porn they rip a hole in stockings? Like c'mon du..
How come in porn they rip a hole in stockings? Like c'mon dude, it takes 3 seconds to get them off!
2023-04-28 23:31:21 +0000 UTC View PostDo you guys miss my bangs? They're such a hassle but also so..
Do you guys miss my bangs? They're such a hassle but also so much fun.
2023-04-26 21:38:36 +0000 UTC View PostI'm happy to be back and I will continue to keep you all upd..
I'm happy to be back and I will continue to keep you all updated on my health stuff as well! I appreciate so much all of the kind messages and comments from all of you. It really means a lot. Today I had an eye appointment with the ophthalmologist (since I've been on several different steroids/medications I needed to check and make sure things look okay). My vision is honestly the only thing more important to me than my hearing and I've been blessed to have perfect vision my entire life. Today my right eye measured at 20/20 and my left eye at 20/15. I was very happy about that but am a little concerned as the pressure in my eyes were elevated. The doctor told me not to worry too much because he said the nerve is "extremely healthy" and "perfect" which leads him to believe I will be okay. In any case I have to go in for another follow up appointment in two months just to recheck the pressure and make sure it's lowered back down. This has made me a little bit scared just because my previous pressure readings have all been low and within the normal ranges but I'm really, really hoping that the reason they are elevated is because of all the different steroids I am/have been taking. He said that steroids usually only cause eye problems to 2/10 people who take them so it's possible the steroids aren't the cause, we just don't know. Regardless I will be following up with that in a few months. It's crazy I went from hardly going to the doctor's ever to now having more than one doctor's appointment a week. 🙁😭 Really hoping this all passes in the coming months. I will be doing my best to stay positive and hopeful.
2023-04-25 21:14:41 +0000 UTC View PostHi everyone, I have some news and an update to share with yo..
Hi everyone, I have some news and an update to share with you. Originally my MRI was supposed to be last week Monday in Northern California, but the MRI machine broke down (just my luck…). There was no indication of how long it would be broken and the facility was fully booked so once it was up and running the facility wasn’t sure if they were going to be able to fit me in (just my luck…again…). For my particular type of MRI a doctor has to be present and the facility only did MRIs with contrast on Monday and Tuesday this past week (usually it’s done more than twice a week) so it really wasn’t looking like it was going to work in my favor. After speaking to multiple workers with the outcome looking very uncertain, I was able to talk with the head manager. She was extremely helpful and went out of the way to ask her radiologist if he could stay late in the evening to accommodate me on Tuesday once it was up and running again. So I did have my MRI this past Tuesday night. I was honestly terrified because I was so worried about losing more hearing and brain scans are known to be the loudest. I had read this specific machine I was driving out for was supposed to be a quieter machine but the workers explained to me that it was still going to be on the louder side. It did end up being loud but I didn’t lose any hearing from it so that definitely made it worth the drive. The first thing the MRI revealed is that my internal auditory canal looks healthy. No tumors are present (as my doctor was wondering) and there appears to be no issues with the cochlear or nerve part of my ear. According to the imaging the health of my ear is “unremarkable” (which just means normal in medical terms), so there’s still no understanding of how the significant hearing loss I have in my left ear ever took place. There’s also still no explanation (according to the imaging) as to why my ears have been blocked and unable to pop normally for nearly eight weeks. This is of course very frustrating as no root cause has been identified. I am of course extremely fortunate and grateful that I don’t have a tumor on the cochlear nerve or a genetic disease like neurofibromatosis. My doctor said it seems like my recent ear issues are probably due to the congestion from the cold I experienced almost two months ago. The Eustachian tube is super small so the area could still be clogged up. It’s really quite stressful and upsetting to still be dealing with this nearly eights weeks later. I wake up every single morning with a muffled left ear and whenever I drive the pressure is exacerbated. I still can’t pop my ear and it still feels like there’s water or fluid trapped inside. My doctor said that I can try a surgical procedure called balloon dilation of the Eustachian tube but there’s a fifty percent chance it won’t work. I guess it’s like flipping a coin and taking a chance. I have no idea how expensive this will be but according to a quick google search, the first thing listed says it ranges between $7,000 to $13,000 and again there’s only a fifty percent chance it will work and I don’t have health insurance. There’s also the risk I could lose more hearing from the procedure but leaving the situation how it is now also risks me losing more permanent hearing. So I feel very sad and disappointed. I’ve spent nearly $20,000 over the past two months on expenses and just feel bummed that I haven’t made any improvement with this situation. My plan is to continue to have more appointments and likely more tests with my doctor. I began a new round of more aggressive steroids on Saturday and have my fingers crossed that maybe they will make a difference but I just feel so completely discouraged. My doctor said he doesn’t think they will work at this point but I’m trying them just because I am desperate. A quote from an article I was reading this past weekend said, “People come in and tell me, ‘My ear has been blocked for two months, and I’ve been taking antihistamines, maybe even antibiotics, but it’s still blocked’. If somebody suddenly loses vision, they don’t come in and say, ‘My eye is blocked.’ They say, ‘My God, I’ve lost vision,’ and they treat it as an emergency. You need to do the same with hearing loss. The earlier you can diagnose these things, the easier they are to treat.” I feel extremely discouraged that I’m now two months into this situation without answers and improvement. I really do hope things turn around soon. It is also a possibility that the ear situation could be connected to something else the MRI revealed but it is unclear if that is connected at this time. Hopefully I have some improvement and answers soon. I do have to be proactive about this situation. The hearing loss I have in my left ear is substantial and nobody knows where it’s from or how it happened. It is of course great news that it’s not a tumor, genetic disorder, or problem with the cochlear nerve, but at the same time, I still need to get to the bottom of this because I don’t want to lose more hearing than I already have and it would be nice for me to be able to not feel a constant pressure/plug/muffled/blocked feeling. Now for the more revealing and somewhat scary part of my MRI… my results revealed that I have a structural defect of my brain/skull. As several of you know over the past two years I have been experiencing chronic headaches, dizziness, pins and needles, among other symptoms, and now I finally have some answers to those issues. It is basically a condition in which tissue from my brain has extended into my spinal canal. It occurs because part of the skull is smaller than it’s supposed to be, resulting in compression and causing the brain tissue downward into my skull and spinal cord. In simpler terms, my skull is essentially too small for my brain / my brain is too big for my skull. So what does this mean? As I mentioned this means that I now have answers to a lot of the problems I have been experiencing over the past two years: daily headaches (which have unfortunately not stopped), dizziness every day for months last year, pins and needles every day for months two years ago, losing balance, on and off clumsiness, neck and back pain (which I thought was just normal), and pretty much every other symptom I’ve had and was worried about over the past few years. At times I’ve felt like I was going crazy. I knew that these issues weren’t in my head but part of me was like, well then what the fu$@ is going on? For the past two years I knew something was off. I would go from months of dizziness to debilitating headaches while simultaneously experiencing fatigue, problems with my memory and executive functioning. I kept thinking this is so not normal to be having headaches EVERY SINGLE DAY. But at the same time I have a high tolerance for pain so I just tried to suck it up and deal with it. After experiencing this array of symptoms, I finally decided to go to the doctor. He suggested that I was probably just sleeping funny and should try a cervical pillow, which I did. Well, in the end it turns out these symptoms are all related to my diagnosis. This is good news and not so good news at the same time. The good news is that I don’t have cancer or anything terminal which I was extremely worried about. When you look up chronic daily headaches, you can expect to read the worst. My doctor’s words were “120% percent sure you don’t have brain cancer” so that was very, very reassuring and all I needed to hear to feel much, much better. I am very happy about this and I am grateful that I get to live and situations like this always serve as a reminder to me of how lucky and blessed I am just to be alive and healthy. The not so good news is: I am still experiencing the ear blockage with no resolution in sight And I have a structural deformity, aka, a Chiari malformation, and this is what has been causing a lot of issues over the last few years. Some information about Chiari Malformation: -About 1 out of 1000 people are affected -It is typically congenital but not diagnosed until adolescence or early adulthood. Symptoms: -Severe headaches tend to be one of the most common symptoms (including cervicogenic headaches) -Occipital headaches felt at the back of the head (also something I experience daily!) -Frequent dizziness and light headedness -Hearing loss (I don’t know if my hearing loss is related to my Chiari or if it’s due to something else) -Loss of temperature sensations (often times I feel a sensation of burning in my hands, arms, and feet) -Coordination issues (which might explain my clumsiness and occasional walking into walls… or maybe not 😅) -Speech problems and issues with executive functions (which may explain why I’ve felt like my brain has been functioning much slower these past couple of years) -Ringing in the ears (I thought this was related to my hearing loss but turns out it’s also a symptom of Chiari) -General weakness in the hands and arms -Slow heart rhythm (when I went to a doctor for the pins and needles, I was told that my heart beats very slowly and that this wasn’t necessesarily a bad thing but it was just interesting) -Breathing problems, sleep apnea -Nystagmus, blurred vision, and double vision (a few times over the past year I’ve had blurred vision and even double vision) -Problems with eating, drinking, and speaking (more recently I’ve noticed often experiencing difficulty with swallowing food) -Hypersensitivity to bright lights -Severe neck pain Complications -Syringomyelia essentially when there are issues with the spinal cord since there is a blockage and fluid is not able to flow normally. Apparently many people with CM also develop cysts or tumors in the spinal cord. This can damage the spinal cord and injure the nerves that carry messages to the brain and body. -Hydrocephalus which is a buildup of CSF (fluid) in the brain -Scoliosis or curved spine At this point I am being referred to a neurologist. Though this isn’t a neurological disease (but rather a defect/deformity), a neurologist is the one who sees patients with Chiari malformation. As far as I know (which isn’t much) there is a surgical procedure in which part of the skull is removed in order to allow for decompression but unfortunately there are big risks that can come with that and I’m not sure having a hole in your head is something to be taken lightly. I will likely need to have an MRI of my spine next. So yeah I just wanted to give you all a thorough update on what’s going on as you guys have been so supportive in being here for me and wanting me to get better. I’m incredibly grateful for the support you have given me. There are about two hundred of you that have been my biggest supporters and remained here even when I haven’t been present. You have supported me during this extremely difficult time when even several of my closest friends and family haven’t even been here for me. This really means a lot to me and I really want to show you all appreciation for the support you have given me. I truly am incredibly grateful to every single one of you. Although much of this sounds dismal and disappointing I do want to reiterate and acknowledge that I am incredibly blessed to be alive and grateful that it’s not cancer or something terminal. There are challenging, frustrating, and uncertain times ahead but at least now I have some answers to many of the issues I have been experiencing over the past few years. With all of this being said I am planning to get back to life. I plan to deal the best I can with the ear situation and headaches/dizziness, etc. as I have been doing. I need to move forward with my life and I can’t let this stop me any longer than it already has. It’s been eight weeks now and despite being off balance, feeling like there’s a ton of pressure in my head, being unable to pop my ears, and severe headaches, I will not let this be my life. I will not let this define me and will rather be pushing myself to get back to life and do my absolute best to be as present as possible. So I am excited to say that I plan to get back to everything. I am incredibly grateful just to be alive because it really is an incredible blessing. It’s so easy to take things for granted and honestly as frustrating as this situation is it could always be worse. At least I have a right ear that is functioning well and I also have arms and legs to move around with and eyes to see with. The daily headaches I plan to deal with for now and I’m going to try to get back to my ninety minute yoga classes seven days a week. Apparently exercise can make my Chiari symptoms worse but exercise has always been such an important part of my life. I really want to believe it will make my pain better and not worse. So yeah that is my plan and as of today I am officially back and plan to be back. I plan to continue to focus on gratitude for being alive. As well as being grateful for having the opportunity to stay busy and work. This is something else that I think people often take for granted. It can be easy to become annoyed or dissatisfied with things but then when you go through something like this you really stop and realize like how even the little or annoying things can be so much of a blessing. I’ve seen so many TT’s on my feed lately of people whose lives have fully stopped because they developed some type of terminal illness or cancer. One day their lives are normal and then the next day everything is flipped upside down and their entire everything changes. Not only do people in these types of situations lose their freedom but they also often lose their ability to do mundane tasks which may have once been seen as an annoyance but then suddenly seem like a blessing. And it really puts things into perspective and can help us to appreciate the small things more as well as the things like work, chores, exercise, etc. And if I’ve learned anything from this situation it’s that gratitude continues to be one of the most important lessons I’ve learned thus far in life. Because you really never know when things might change. I already knew this as I was fortunate enough to have a mother instill it in me from when I was very little but we often need little reminders in order to help gain a clear perspective on reality. Although much easier said than done, to believe and live by, for us humans things are truly never as bad as they seem and they can always, always be much worse. So yeah, we need to appreciate what we have while we still have it! Again thank you all for being my true supporters during this challenging time and I am really excited to get back to life! It really is truly such a blessing to be alive! There are definitely tough days ahead as I am still dealing with these problems, but I am going to do my absolute best to be strong and keep on trekking. I don’t want to waste another day because every day alive is a true blessing, opportunity, and gift. Thank you all again for your love, support, kindness, and understanding. Now let’s get back to having some fun!
2023-04-24 17:47:39 +0000 UTC View PostHey guys another update. Tomorrow marks 6 weeks of me dealin..
Hey guys another update. Tomorrow marks 6 weeks of me dealing with these terrible ear and hearing issues. It hasn't resolved and this past week I've been having really bad migraines. The migraines have been on the other side of my head and so my doctor thinks they're unrelated to the ear issues. I'm really, really hoping the headaches are just due to all of the stress. And we are hoping that the ear issues are being caused by a very chronic case of eustachian tube dysfunction that is unable to heal itself and if the MRI reveals this we can make a hole in my eardrum and hopefully solve this issue. He doesn't want to do this now in the event it doesn't end up being issues with the eustachian tube. He said it is possible it could also be an acoustic neuroma which is usually a benign brain tumor that causes hearing loss, facial paralysis, eyes problems, balance issues, headaches, and more. If that's the case, then it's much more serious. He doesn't think it's AIED or NF1 or NF2 which I expressed concern about as NF1 and NF2 are genetic and he said it would be very unlikely that I have either of those three very bad diseases, so we're really hoping it's just a chronic case of eustachian tube dysfunction as I've dealt with this before. He said it's documented and my tests revealed that I've dealt with this two years before and he did see fluid in my ear just a couple of weeks ago. He said it's possible that the smaller end of the eustachian tube is either inflamed or clogged with fluid. He said even just 1-3 drops could be causing a block and thus creating all these problems. The steroids worked before but he said it's a gamble they don't always work. The front of my eustachian tube appears to be opened as revealed on the endoscope procedure he performed but the smaller end is just a couple millimeters wide and it's possible that could be the source of this problem. If it's an acoustic neuroma it's much more serious and those can be treated with chemotherapy and radiation but sometimes don't shrink and need to be removed resulting in a full loss of hearing to the ear as well as the risk of permanent facial paralysis and other complications. So I'm really hoping it's not an acoustic neuroma and that it's just the eustachian tube. Also I'm hoping that the terrible migraines I've been having on the right side of my head aren't anything serious and are just a result of the huge amount of stress and anxiety I've had this past month and a half. If all goes as planned I am to have an MRI of my brain and internal auditory canal this coming Monday and will hear back from my doctor this next Wednesday at the latest Thursday. I am hoping to have positive results and good news and that this is just chronic ETD and can be solved with having a small hole in my ear drum. Please be thinking positive thoughts for me so that I can manifest this being my eustachian tube and nothing more serious. I've been so afraid to get an MRI mostly because I don't want to lose anymore hearing than I already have and I know that brain scans are the loudest. Hopefully though there will be answers and good positive news next week and an easy treatment so that I can get back to life. I hope you are all doing well and I hope to be back very soon. This has been an incredibly stressful and scary time for me.
2023-04-13 18:40:54 +0000 UTC View PostAnother update: I still don’t know what’s been going on with..
Another update: I still don’t know what’s been going on with my ear. I still cannot pop / depressurize it normally and I’m having more issues with my hearing. My hearing appears to be fluctuating. Sometimes better, sometimes worse, sometimes I can hardly hear anything from my left ear. It’s really pretty scary. I’m really hoping it’s not a serious disease and that I don’t lose more permanent hearing than I already have. I’ve honestly never gone through anything quite this scary with my health before. I’ve definitely had my fair share of medical stuff throughout my life but dealing with losing part of one of the senses is just so terrible and awful. I’ve been in and out of the doctors office every week and having more and more tests and it’s now going on over 4 weeks since this started with no answers or improvements thus far. Today I begin a more aggressive round of steroids. Really hoping so much that it helps. I have more doctors appointments next week and an MRI of my brain in about a week and a half. Hopefully I have some answers and heal soon. I’ve been very depressed and not working at all as I’ve been disoriented, tired, having headaches, and completely stressed out. Our eyes and ears are truly one of the best gifts that cannot be bought.
2023-04-07 17:12:05 +0000 UTC View PostTons of requests for this recently. And this is something I ..
Tons of requests for this recently. And this is something I actually have energy for. 🦶
2023-04-04 00:49:19 +0000 UTC View PostHi everyone, I want to give you all an update just to let yo..
Hi everyone, I want to give you all an update just to let you know what’s going on. About three weeks ago my family let me know that my childhood fur brother (Walter) was declining quickly. I quickly scheduled a flight but then had to cancel as I got sick. Assuming I would only be sick for a few days I booked two more flights but had to cancel both of those. The cold I had went away fairly quickly (just a few days) but unfortunately I had a lingering issue with my left ear. My ear has not been able to pop normally/depressurize for over three weeks now. At first my doctor thought it was just a chronic case of Eustachian tube dysfunction as I have dealt with this in the past. I tried several different medications and nasal sprays which didn’t work and so I had no other choice than to take a steroid medication (which last time I took caused me to gain about 20 pounds and also deal with uneven distribution of weight as well as several other uncomfortable side effects). I thought for sure the steroid would work as it did the last two times I had to take it for a similar ear problem. Unfortunately the steroid did not work this time and the issue has not resolved. On Thursday I went back to see my speciality doctor for more tests as well as an endoscope which revealed that the fluid has gone down in the outer ear and that the Eustachian tube had opened but there is still pressure which has led my doctor to believe that there is something going on with my inner ear/nerve. This is likely why I have substantial hearing loss in the left ear and this may be related to the pressure I’ve been experiencing that has yet to go away. It’s been a huge struggle and very stressful. And I just wanted to get home to see my childhood cat Walter one more time. About a week ago my mom told me that she thought he would be okay for a few more months but as of a few days ago it was clear I would not make it to see him again. Next week I was supposed to go on a family trip that has been planned for over a year but I will no longer be going as I need to deal with this medical situation. On a more positive note, my speciality doctor has been absolutely amazing. He normally takes months to get into but his office has been extremely accommodating and helpful and really wants to get to the bottom of what’s going on with my ear. I have been prescribed more powerful and stronger steroids (which my doctor does not like to prescribe as he is more conservative) but I have it just in case the pressure and pain gets to be unbearable. I need further testing including an MRI of my brain and IAC but because of the substantial hearing loss I already have I need to get a quiet MRI which I’ve had an extremely difficult time finding. I may have found one in Northern California but will hear back early next week. With all of this going on I’ve been extremely stressed and sad. My head is throbbing, my ear has non-stop pressure, I’m on and off dizzy throughout the day, I’m hardly sleeping more than a few hours each day, and my balance is very much thrown off. Yesterday I spent most of the day and night crying about Walter as I felt devastated about not being able to make it home to see him. I promised him the last time I saw him in December that I would see him again and I feel heartbroken that I didn’t make it back as he was not only my brother but one of my very few best friends. As a result of this hardship I was contemplating completely ending my activity on all social media platforms (including this site) as I need to focus on my health both physically and mentally. I wanted you all to know that I am going to try my best to keep things going but I may not be posting every single day or being as regular as I have been over the past year since I started. I just want to be honest with you guys. I don’t want to leave and quit (at least not just yet) but I also want to be real and transparent with you and let you know that I am really struggling right now and going through a lot. This next week I am going to be devoting my time to trying to find a place that can accommodate me for the brain scans. I am also grieving the loss of my fur brother and processing, which is very hard and new. I can’t believe I woke up today and that he is no longer here. He was the last part of my childhood and I would give anything to hold him just one more time. Anyways I just wanted to let you guys know what’s been going on and also let you know that I’m sorry for not being as present. I am trying my best and will try to do what I can but at the same time I’m also trying to not put so much pressure on myself. For most of my life I’ve put tons of pressure on myself. To graduate both high school and college with honors, to taking 18 credits a semester while juggling two part time jobs and volunteering weekly at the same time. I’ve always put a lot on myself and right now I need to not do that and focus on two things: my medical situation as well as my mental health. So this isn’t a goodbye but rather a “I am going to do my best so please bear with me”. And for those of you who will be leaving I completely understand 100 percent and am very grateful for the support you have offered already. Thank you all! And I’m hoping April is a much better month so that I can get my smile back.
2023-04-01 17:30:01 +0000 UTC View PostTimes have been super tough for me these past few weeks but ..
Times have been super tough for me these past few weeks but I'm still hopeful for a miracle so that I can make it back home to Hawaii in time to see my fur brother one last time before he leaves this world. It's been extremely difficult as I have been dealing with a lot of personal stuff as well as a serious medical condition regarding my ear. It's been ongoing for nearly three weeks now and I've been seeing specialists who have advised me against traveling as it could result in a medical emergency. Physically I am feeling very disoriented and uncomfortable and emotionally I am feeling despondent. This is why I haven't been as present lately as I normally am. I'm really hoping for a miracle these next few days. Just wanted to update you all.
2023-03-29 19:33:19 +0000 UTC View Post
