Hi everyone, I want to give you all an update just to let yo..

Hi everyone, I want to give you all an update just to let you know what’s going on. About three weeks ago my family let me know that my childhood fur brother (Walter) was declining quickly. I quickly scheduled a flight but then had to cancel as I got sick. Assuming I would only be sick for a few days I booked two more flights but had to cancel both of those. The cold I had went away fairly quickly (just a few days) but unfortunately I had a lingering issue with my left ear. My ear has not been able to pop normally/depressurize for over three weeks now. At first my doctor thought it was just a chronic case of Eustachian tube dysfunction as I have dealt with this in the past. I tried several different medications and nasal sprays which didn’t work and so I had no other choice than to take a steroid medication (which last time I took caused me to gain about 20 pounds and also deal with uneven distribution of weight as well as several other uncomfortable side effects). I thought for sure the steroid would work as it did the last two times I had to take it for a similar ear problem. Unfortunately the steroid did not work this time and the issue has not resolved. On Thursday I went back to see my speciality doctor for more tests as well as an endoscope which revealed that the fluid has gone down in the outer ear and that the Eustachian tube had opened but there is still pressure which has led my doctor to believe that there is something going on with my inner ear/nerve. This is likely why I have substantial hearing loss in the left ear and this may be related to the pressure I’ve been experiencing that has yet to go away. It’s been a huge struggle and very stressful. And I just wanted to get home to see my childhood cat Walter one more time. About a week ago my mom told me that she thought he would be okay for a few more months but as of a few days ago it was clear I would not make it to see him again. Next week I was supposed to go on a family trip that has been planned for over a year but I will no longer be going as I need to deal with this medical situation. On a more positive note, my speciality doctor has been absolutely amazing. He normally takes months to get into but his office has been extremely accommodating and helpful and really wants to get to the bottom of what’s going on with my ear. I have been prescribed more powerful and stronger steroids (which my doctor does not like to prescribe as he is more conservative) but I have it just in case the pressure and pain gets to be unbearable. I need further testing including an MRI of my brain and IAC but because of the substantial hearing loss I already have I need to get a quiet MRI which I’ve had an extremely difficult time finding. I may have found one in Northern California but will hear back early next week. With all of this going on I’ve been extremely stressed and sad. My head is throbbing, my ear has non-stop pressure, I’m on and off dizzy throughout the day, I’m hardly sleeping more than a few hours each day, and my balance is very much thrown off. Yesterday I spent most of the day and night crying about Walter as I felt devastated about not being able to make it home to see him. I promised him the last time I saw him in December that I would see him again and I feel heartbroken that I didn’t make it back as he was not only my brother but one of my very few best friends. As a result of this hardship I was contemplating completely ending my activity on all social media platforms (including this site) as I need to focus on my health both physically and mentally. I wanted you all to know that I am going to try my best to keep things going but I may not be posting every single day or being as regular as I have been over the past year since I started. I just want to be honest with you guys. I don’t want to leave and quit (at least not just yet) but I also want to be real and transparent with you and let you know that I am really struggling right now and going through a lot. This next week I am going to be devoting my time to trying to find a place that can accommodate me for the brain scans. I am also grieving the loss of my fur brother and processing, which is very hard and new. I can’t believe I woke up today and that he is no longer here. He was the last part of my childhood and I would give anything to hold him just one more time. Anyways I just wanted to let you guys know what’s been going on and also let you know that I’m sorry for not being as present. I am trying my best and will try to do what I can but at the same time I’m also trying to not put so much pressure on myself. For most of my life I’ve put tons of pressure on myself. To graduate both high school and college with honors, to taking 18 credits a semester while juggling two part time jobs and volunteering weekly at the same time. I’ve always put a lot on myself and right now I need to not do that and focus on two things: my medical situation as well as my mental health. So this isn’t a goodbye but rather a “I am going to do my best so please bear with me”. And for those of you who will be leaving I completely understand 100 percent and am very grateful for the support you have offered already. Thank you all! And I’m hoping April is a much better month so that I can get my smile back.