SWING INTO SPRING 🍆👀 We can’t escape the seasons, that 23.5-degree tilt of the Earth means we are always swinging back and forth from the sun.🌞 But smack bang in March we hit the sweet spot: a time when it all balances up and everyone has the same length day.🌗 The equinox welcomed in spring and became one of the biggest parties of the year.🎉 It was such a big fucking deal that the Pyramids of Giza, the Angkor Wat temple in Cambodia and even five-thousand-year-old Irish tombs all have shit that line up with sun on this special day.🌄
The equinox party theme is rebirth.💞 Sometimes shit got crazy, (just check out the Festival of Dionysia, celebrating the Greek nutter God Dionysus) but it was usually celebrating nature getting hot and heavy.😏 Rebirth also became part of the way we understood how everything works.🤔 Plato thought the soul immortal and said our death was just part of a cycle of rebirth.🔄 Buddha, the cool Asiatic prince of the fifth century who started one hell of a movement, had the epiphany that everything in life follows birth and rebirth and the only way to stop the endless wheel of suffering was to realise the truth, thereby achieving nirvana.☸️ And while walking on the shores of a Swiss lake, Nietzsche realised the best way to see the importance of our actions is to think about time repeating in an endless cycle of rebirth, with all our actions repeating forever.🤯 Then, he said, you wouldn’t fuck around and waste your day!😵
Of course, the ideas of rebirth at this time of year became significant for religion.🛐 But it is mixed up with symbols like the rabbit🐰 and the egg🐣 we’ve been using for a hell of a lot longer. Importantly, rebirth doesn’t just happen, ask the birds and the bees. So, while you are enjoying your choccy eggs, remember what the day really meant for many thousands of years - that it was time to get off your ass and get fucking working.⏰🏗️ Time to start prepping for the year ahead. Time to leave the previous year behind.➡️ Time when rebirth is a real possibility for us all.💥 So long as we put in some effort. 💪 Become the legend you want to be and have a Happy Spring Equinox! 😍
GET YOUR HANDS DIRTY 🫶🌱💦 It’s a fucking understatement to say a lot has changed in the last few generations.😛 A hundred years ago, if you lived outside of a dense city centre, you probably had connections to the land one way or another. You lived rurally or your backyard more than likely had a veggie patch.🌱 Today, you’d be lucky to find a vegetable growing in suburbia with backyards of domesticated grass, entertainment areas and swimming pools.🏠 Our connection to the land is now the supermarket.🏪🙁
Does this matter? Of course it fucking does.😝 It’s not so much we’re all part of Mother Gaia bullshit – we were hunter gatherers🏹 a shit load longer than we’ve been growing crops – but more about losing a link with the world🌏, robbing ourselves of a great source of joy.😢
Ok, I know, the modern world brings a lot of advantages🔬🧪, but as philosopher Henry Thoreau claimed back in the 1850s, the luxuries of modern life might be actually getting in the fucking way of things.🛑 The reason for this, the legendary Thoreau says, is because appreciating nature just comes naturally - we simply feel it💞 - while material man-made things only have the value people place on them🤏. We may believe owning something like a car or house is necessary, but these may be the crappy things entrapping us and stopping us from properly connecting with the world🚧. And what happens if this shit continues? We start to get the wrong idea of reality, start to disconnect from it, and bring on a numbness caused by not being moved by the beauty around us.😭
Thoreau didn’t mean ‘pack your fucking bags and live in nature’ bullshit.⛺ Life in nature, in the raw, is what Thomas Hobbes, another legend philosopher, described as solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.⚠️☠️ But there is a balance.⚖️ We can’t help but learn from nature🔍 – we are hardwired into that shit🧬 – but you have to let nature in to do it.❤️ Grow some veggies, join a community garden, have pot-plants🪴, buy an aquarium, do whatever you can to bring some of the natural world into your material world. This even makes you a better person because your values don’t all come from man-made crap. 🤔 And best of all, when you open yourself up to the beauty of the natural world, you feel fucking good😁, and it may even inspire you to make change.🤩 All out of nothing really. Just looking at the world around us.👀 And that’s why hanging with nature is sexy as fuck. 🍂🍆🫦
MINDFUCK TIME 🧠👌👈 Go look at the night sky and think hard about what you can see. 👀 You may realise that you’re not looking at space at all but, actually, time in motion. ⌛ The moon appears how it was 1.3 seconds ago. 🌖 Venus, the brightest object after the moon, was 3 mins 46 seconds ago. The sun you see is from 8 minutes in the past☀️, and Jupiter, 33 minutes. Outside our solar system, Alpha Centauri is how it was 4.4 years ago⭐, while a burst of light astronomers have picked up called GRB 090423 formed 13 whole fucking billion years ago, 🔭 9 billion years before our solar system was even a speck of dust. 💥
Bringing it down to here and now and the device you are reading this on is not in the present but microseconds in the past.⏱️ If we think about what we can hear, we are in even deeper shit.🙉 Sound is 875,000 times slower than light, which is why thunder is so much slower than lightning. 🌩️ Bullets hurtle along at triple the speed of sound so there is no chance of hearing the gun with your name on it.😵 You may have the sensation that you are travelling along in the ‘now’, but the trippy truth is, the world around us sits firmly in the past. 🤯
This brings into question what the fuck time is. If it exists, we should be able to measure it. 📏 Some bright spark worked out that if you counted close to 9 billion little energy transfers in caesium atoms⚛️, then you’d get so close to one second that you only need to adjust a clock every 1.4 million years.🕰️ Sounds impressive as shit.🤓 Practical, yes, but remembering that time is infinite, 1.4 million years means fuck all.🤏 We’re still way off from the real answer.🤬
Believe it or not, the smart fucker who probably first correctly understood time lived 1600 years ago.🥇 His name was St Augustine, and he was trying to work out how the fuck God put the universe together. 🛠️ It is complex shit - modern quantum theories look like they are circling back to his ideas. 🔁 Put simply, the way we see time, with a past, present and future, is bullshit. If we all disappeared, it would all disappear with us. 👋 The past according to St Augustine is just a memory, whether we are counting seconds or thinking about 10 years ago. 💭 Only the big man upstairs experiences true time and sees how the universe really works. This means that when people baulk at the Earth and the heavens having been created in seven days, St Augustine said: Back off! 😠 Those were seven kick-ass ‘God’ days, not seven pathetic made-up human days. 🖕
Astronomy is hot as fuck.❤️🔥 So next time you want to impress, get out the telescope, treat your love to some kick-ass views of the moon, Saturn🪐 or Jupiter, and then hit them with this cool ‘time’ shit. 🫦🥵 The next question you’ll be asking is what they’d like for breakfast. 😏🥞
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HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! 🩷🫦 Love as we know it is a relatively new idea. 💞 To fall in love, to adore from afar, to have a soulmate, just wasn’t a thing once upon a time. Why? Because we weren’t monogamous and could fuck anyone who took our fancy. Monogamy creates a tension between moral ideas on how we should live 🧠 and our primal instincts 👅, creating a feeling we now call love. 💘
We didn’t use the word love ‘til around 400 years ago. Before then, we only talked about romance. 👩❤️👨🥂 But Romance literally means ‘doing it in the Roman style’, so it all started with people pointing at Romans thinking, “What the fuck are they doing?” “Why the fuck is he buying her flowers?” 💐 “Why doesn’t he just fuck her??” 😵💫
Then we hit the medieval ages, and more importantly, the printing press. 📖 The original Harlequin novel is called King Arthur and the Round Table. 🗡️ And the gentry lapped that shit up. 🥵 Turning romance into a crazy codes of chivalry and literally fucking dying so some chick would notice you. 😘 And don’t get me fucking started on Romeo and Juliet. Juliet was 13 years old, for fuck’s sake. Shakespeare was a bit of a perve. 🤔
And to deliver the kiss of death, Valentine’s Day is really a celebration about Saint Valentine, who was martyred or killed for his beliefs in the third century. 💀 And honestly, he really didn’t give a shit about romance or what the Romans did. He died for harbouring Christians - like many people were killed in World War 2 for harbouring Jewish people. 😢 Attempts to connect him with Valentine’s Day and romance have been tried many times throughout history, but they are pretty shit – the best they can get is a legend saying he wrote a card 💌 to the daughter of his gaoler, like wtf?? ⁉️ Martyrs at that time usually died horrible deaths, so I’m sure he had other shit on his mind. 😵
So, on this 14th February, celebrate a feeling we once never had, on a day named after a bloke who really didn’t give a shit about romance. Happy Valentine’s! 💝
HELLENISTIC THIRST TRAPPERS 💪 👀 ❤️🔥 The impression exists that the great Greek philosophers were a bunch of balding, tubby old men sitting around bullshitting while sipping wine 🍷, when nothing could be further from the truth❎ ‼️
Socrates was famously short and ugly, but he was also a fucking muscle-bound war hero who charged headlong into the enemy during the Peloponnesian War to rescue captured officers. 🙌🎖️ Plato wrestled competitively, his coach giving him the name Plato which literally means ‘broad shouldered’. 🤼♂️ 🏆 Some historians also think Aristotle may have been a keen pentathlete in his youth given his passion and admiration of the sport. 💓🏃
The ancient Greeks were the first to see the potential of the Gods in their own flesh, 💫 where everyone could be a hero, where fate was not bound by the past. They truly were the first superheroes 🦸and drew amazement and fear from the rest of antiquity. 😲😱 History will always remember the 300 Spartans legends, led by the immortal King Leonidis 😎, and reinforced by only a few thousand-armed workers, who held back a Persian army of between 200,000-300,000 troops led by the hugely powerful Xerxes the Great, King of Kings. ⚔️ It is no exaggeration to say we owe the existence of our free world to these superheroes 🌍, who fell in the end from betrayal, but giving the rest of Greece precious time to prepare and fight Xerxes on both land and sea to defeat a near invincible foe. 👊 🤩 🎉
Of all the amazing wisdom Socrates has to bestow, take away what I believe to be one of his most important quotes, ⚠️ “…it is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” 💪 😍
IS HOUSEWORK SEXY? 🧽🧹 ❤️🔥🫦 Maybe in raunchy underwear 🩲, but generally, the answer is no.👎 Philosophy disagrees, of course, and sees magic in mundane dusting and mopping. 🤓🪄
It’s easy to kill the mood if you have dirty sheets, leave your stuff everywhere and get the place smelling like garbage.🤢💔 But there is much more to housework than clearing things away. Housework, or any work for that matter, transforms you. Using only our hands we can be pretty hopeless, but picking up a broom transforms us into a complexity that can move dust and sand around the floor with ease. Like superheroes🦸, we gain special powers to make change and create the type of world we want to live in.🌎😊
Housework is sexy because it sets the scene. It sweeps away the barriers to lay the groundwork for a fucking incredible sexual experience.💖 It allows you both to concentrate on each other without distraction.👨❤️💋👨 Housework shows your partner how fucking amazing you think they are because it is an expression of giving love, respect and caring, which is about as sexy as you can get. 💝💋
Lastly, take enough pride in housework, and like all work, it is elevated to an artform.👩🎨😎 And, art is extremely powerful.💪⚡ Art is one of the few things which can spontaneously create action, change behaviour and shape culture. Art can literally stop you in your tracks in shock and awe and make you rethink everything.🤯 Art changes lives- and housework, believe it or not, has this power. It goes deeper than respect for your partner, as art is aimed at elevating the entire human experience, changing how we see the world. 👀🧠 This is another way of saying housework is so sexy it can make the universe cum!⭐💦💥
TOO MUCH XMAS? 🎅🥳 I hope you didn’t overindulge this Christmas, but then, that’s what it’s all about isn’t it? 😋
Pampering the senses with decorations, lights, carols and Christmas feasts. 🎉🍻 Lavishing each other with parties, gifts, and oft-times, new experiences. 😍🎁 And it’s something we’ve been doing for thousands of years.
To celebrate the passing of winter, the Ancient Greeks held the festival of Haloa around the same time as Christmas. While the men made all the preparations, the women drank and devoured cock-shaped cakes. 🥂 Later, everyone sang and danced the night away around a bonfire, talking dirty. 🫦👅 Yep, those Ancient Greeks knew how to party - as well as do philosophy.
Indulging ourselves is a fucking great part of being alive, and it’s wonderful that we have a specific time of year to loosen up and devote ourselves to celebration. 🎇🥰
