• what do you want •"How do I make the first move?" "How do ..
Added 2024-10-29 13:59:50 +0000 UTC• what do you want •
"How do I make the first move?" "How do I know where to touch them?" "How do I tell them what I want in the bedroom?"
As an Intimacy coach I get asked questions like this often. And as someone who personally used to struggle with the same fears of not knowing what I'm doing & what I even want in the bedroom, I can empathize. Lots of things factor into feeling safe enough to have these vulnerable conversations with an intimate partner. So let's assume the best in this example. It's someone you trust, someone you know wants all parties to be satisfied. Someone who will respect what you Don't want as much as what you do want. Then what? It may seem cliché but really the answer is simple. Just ask.
Now, how to ask in a way that makes you feel confident and assured, that's all word play - a skill that can be taught to anyone.
"I don't know where to touch you" can be reframed to say "put my hand where you want it."
An insecurity like "I can't tell if I'm doing a good job" turns into "tell me how good I make you feel" or "do you like how I do ______ to you?" Even something as simple as "i don't know what I want to do" can turn into a conversation maybe discussing what you definitely Don't want, and letting your partner lead, knowing they will respect your hard no's. I say it often, that sex is supposed to be Fun. It's how adults play and get imaginative with a partner or even multiple partners. Asking a question doesn't have to be scary and in fact these conversations should be necessary, before - during - and even in after checking in to make sure everyone is okay, that no one was taken by surprise or did anything they didnt want. So with all that said, let me now ask you ... what do you want?
